YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize