I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
