i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
