New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
