I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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