YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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