I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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