dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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