I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
