sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
