Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
