the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
