It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
