Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
