i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
