my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
