I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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