i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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