the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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