It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
