so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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