There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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