Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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