What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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