remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
