and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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