sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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