Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
