I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
