remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
