On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
