two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
