I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize