My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
