So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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