i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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