I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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