Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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