About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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