why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
