Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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