I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
