Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
