Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize