He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
