Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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