I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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