i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize