you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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