I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Duck Duck Cougar?
i barfeds in our rink
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
