A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
