I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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