Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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