Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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