I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
