I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize