didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
