Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
