TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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