"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
