And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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