I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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