Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's blow job season.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
