i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
