please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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