I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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