I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
