One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
