pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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