The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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