I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize