Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
