he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
