Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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