Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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