You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
